5 ways to be more confident

I am sitting with my family in this huge drawing-room, decorated with marigolds and fairly lights, kids running across the halls, women drying their Mehendi after the bride’s (who is my cousin by the way) Mehendi ceremony, men on the couch talking about stocks, weather, and other people’s unmarried children.

While having this one good loud laugh with my cousins (I am incredibly funny, honestly), one of my aunts passes this comment on me, between 50 people “iske dulhe ko hathi pe layenge (her groom will enter on an elephant)” 

So I’ll just explain the joke because it was so incredibly funny, right. Valine is so fat that her groom will have to come on an elephant to match her. Funny isn’t it? Of course, the expected reaction hearing this should be that I storm out of the room crying, create a scene, or correct her then and there, but instead, this is what I did………

Wait, before I tell this little gossip, I’ll tell you something about myself in the words of other people. Upfront, confident, opinionated, raw, and a cry baby. 

It took years of work on myself, to become confident, and to get these adjectives perceived by other people about me. 

But how did I become confident?

I ACCEPTED MY FLAWS

Never forget who you are. The world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you – Tyrion Lannister 

I am overweight and short person, and I accepted this fact years ago. I have been fat all my life. The acceptance of my flaw led me to be the happiest I could ever be. I have been through a plethora of instances where people have made fun of my weight in many peculiar ways, some very impressive indeed. 

But watching me not react to it, learning that their not-so-funny body-shaming comment didn’t hurt me, left them baffled. Why didn’t she get affected? Did we not land the joke properly? Did we not get the intensity right? 

None of them knew the secret. The secret is that I wholeheartedly accept myself the way I am. The areas they find amusing and of a laughable material, to me, it was just another body part. 

I MAKE FUN OF MYSELF 

Just like Indian comedians are incomplete without being jailed, this point is incomplete without acquiring the above mentioned point. 

Abhishek Upmanyu, an Indian standup comedian performed an entire piece on being color blind, and it was one of the hilarious ones. Now, who has the audacity of passing any comment on him when he himself became a laughing stock for the night and earned lakhs of INR. 

So the moral of the story is, when you’ve accepted your imperfections, are comfortable enough to laugh at yourself, there is no one in this world who can use them against you. 

It takes a whole lot of courage to do so, but once achieved, gives you more peace and laughter than any of those clowns in front of you. 

Try it once, and you’ll be hooked.

I NEVER CHANGE FOR ANYONE 

All of us have seen one of those movies where there is this girl, all shy and timid. The teacher’s favorite, a scholar, no social life, and so on. She has a crush on the popular college boy, every girl’s dream, every boy’s inspiration, and considered to be the coolest man alive. 

The girl then decides to imposter one of those popular college girls to grab the boy’s attention. Gets a head-to-toe makeover, from a new haircut to shifting onto contact lenses.

Amidst the makeover process, her boy best friend is constantly reminding her of how beautiful she is and that she shouldn’t change for anyone. But she doesn’t listen.

On her way to meet the boy, she realizes how wrong all of this is. How stupid she is for trying to change herself, and that she is way more confident in her own skin. The movie happily ends with her falling in love with herself and her boy best friend. 

Moral: Don’t become like her, instead learn from her mistake. Fall in love with yourself and be confident in your own skin.  

I APPRECIATE MYSELF FREQUENTLY  

You are a good person. You uplift everyone else but forget about yourself. That’s not the right way honey. You need and deserve your own love and care that you go on showering on everyone else. 

You are the very first supporter of yourself. If that’s not the case, can you tell me who picked you up when you were at your lowest? Who pushed you to get out of that bed after the breakup? Who went hustling hard while everyone else was partying? You did that for yourself. 

Create a habit of treating yourself to achieving every small milestone. I read somewhere ‘while you are doubting yourself, someone else is thinking how you do everything so effortlessly.

Stop undermining your work and underestimating your potential. You are worth more and you know that too.  

I WELCOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

Just in case you remember Kabir’s doha “Nindak Niyare Rakhiye”. It means, you should always keep your critics close as their criticism will clean your work without soap and water.  

There are two ways to take criticism. The first way is called STOP and the other way is called PAUSE. 

The first person stops interacting with people who criticize him. He abandons anyone questioning anything he does. Here, the person has set a bar for himself in his own mind and anyone who tries to question him is being stopped. This happens because his confidence is being jeopardized.  

The second person pauses his actions after receiving criticism. He pauses to evaluate where did he go wrong, the wiggle room for improvisation takes an entirely different approach towards his actions if necessary. This person is listening to his critics, implementing them, improving, and growing. He knows he is on his way to become confident, gain more knowledge and achieve new heights.

Well now coming to the story, and I know you want to know how I responded to the trying-to-make-me-feel-bad aunt. 

Nothing, I just laughed along, louder than her actually. The joke died 10 seconds after that. 

Was my reaction appropriate? Do you think I could have reacted any differently? Let me know in the comments below.

6 Comments

  1. Your writing style kept me hooked till I reached the end of the blog. What stood apart in this blog for me personally was that it taught me a thing or two without letting me know that I'm learning something about life. Beautifully written. More power to you!

  2. Honestly speaking I literally needed to hear or read something like this.
    Being a girl with not so fair complexion and short height (in short not matching some so called standards of beauty) I have always faced those not so funny jokes in my friend circle or in family gatherings.
    I really appreciate your work, it will surely help me out in handling criticism and be confident enough.

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